The days are going by so fast that I dont know what to think. Part of me is so ancy and wants it over done with the end Im done with high School forever and ever and ever or at least until I am the teacher but even then I am personally done with high school. I have had such weird emotions. when I began packing tears flooded my eyes. I dont want to leave What if I cant do it what if I suck at college what if what if what if. The part of me that is not terrifed is sad. I dont want to leave my mommy she is my best friend the one I look to for advice the one I lean on when I am sad and the one that is there for me throug thick and thin. i love nick and i love Kat but they are not mom and she is my best friend. How will I handle going to my house and not seeing her after school. What about when I need to cry and I want to cuddle with her and girl talk until its all better. She is...well she is mom. I cant say enough to let her know how much I love her and miss her already. That part of me crys like every two seconds. I got my cap and gown tried it on, I cried. did my last choir concert the other night they dedicated a song to the seniors I cried. I keep going into this room that is no longer my room but my bed and my boxes but just a room. How am I to take that? I want to bad for the scared and the sad to go away so that I am back to overwelmed with happiness and excitment. Dont get me wrong that is definitly there too but I am so worried about the rest of it I dont have a second to be that happy. On the 18th through the 21st We are all looking at houses and picking one how do I make that feel like home? How do I get the warmth that is in this house into my house and get used to calling that home? How do I keep myself away from home long enough that I stop feeling homesick and start feeling at home? All this is rushing through my head. Then there is mom... I know somewhere in her she is hiding the fact that she is sad too and tinks about this all too. I love you so much mom you are and will always be my Best freinds and no matter what remember that I am okay and I will be GREAT! You made me that way and you gave me the tools taught me how to use them and I think it will all be okay! I love you so much and for right now I am going to be thinking and remembering that it is time to spread my wings like going down a roller coasters first hill the first time you do it you close your eyes and scream the whole way but the next time you open your eyes and scream and then finally you open your eyes all the way and laugh. I guess its time for me to open my eyes...now do I scream or laugh?
Friday, May 9, 2008
Graduation... what?
The days are going by so fast that I dont know what to think. Part of me is so ancy and wants it over done with the end Im done with high School forever and ever and ever or at least until I am the teacher but even then I am personally done with high school. I have had such weird emotions. when I began packing tears flooded my eyes. I dont want to leave What if I cant do it what if I suck at college what if what if what if. The part of me that is not terrifed is sad. I dont want to leave my mommy she is my best friend the one I look to for advice the one I lean on when I am sad and the one that is there for me throug thick and thin. i love nick and i love Kat but they are not mom and she is my best friend. How will I handle going to my house and not seeing her after school. What about when I need to cry and I want to cuddle with her and girl talk until its all better. She is...well she is mom. I cant say enough to let her know how much I love her and miss her already. That part of me crys like every two seconds. I got my cap and gown tried it on, I cried. did my last choir concert the other night they dedicated a song to the seniors I cried. I keep going into this room that is no longer my room but my bed and my boxes but just a room. How am I to take that? I want to bad for the scared and the sad to go away so that I am back to overwelmed with happiness and excitment. Dont get me wrong that is definitly there too but I am so worried about the rest of it I dont have a second to be that happy. On the 18th through the 21st We are all looking at houses and picking one how do I make that feel like home? How do I get the warmth that is in this house into my house and get used to calling that home? How do I keep myself away from home long enough that I stop feeling homesick and start feeling at home? All this is rushing through my head. Then there is mom... I know somewhere in her she is hiding the fact that she is sad too and tinks about this all too. I love you so much mom you are and will always be my Best freinds and no matter what remember that I am okay and I will be GREAT! You made me that way and you gave me the tools taught me how to use them and I think it will all be okay! I love you so much and for right now I am going to be thinking and remembering that it is time to spread my wings like going down a roller coasters first hill the first time you do it you close your eyes and scream the whole way but the next time you open your eyes and scream and then finally you open your eyes all the way and laugh. I guess its time for me to open my eyes...now do I scream or laugh?
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